By BRAD WEISMANN
The first in a series
of Obit Patrol stories outlining the death practices of different cultures.
“How are we to help
those who die and those who have died?” – Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, from Simcha
Raphael’s “Jewish Views of the Afterlife”
Death is a fact. The afterlife is subject to debate. In the
here and now, the steps to take are certain.
One of the things that spoke to me about Judaism, as a
convert, was its emphasis on action, on this world rather than a world to come
. . . especially the kind of provisional world to come the pleasantness of
which depends on one’s obedience to a doctrine.
In Judaism, surprisingly for a religion that is
stereotypically considered to be encrusted with traditions, the latitude of
thought and expression on every subject is wide, by and large. This has led to
thousands of years of debate, speculation, elucidation, and evolution, and
millions of pages of texts, commentaries, rebuttals, outcries, and
reconciliations.
However, the rituals and customs that infuse daily Jewish
life, and death, are detailed and comprehensive. A key part of this tradition
is the Chevra Kadisha, literally
“holy society” – a group of volunteers dedicated to burying the Jewish dead.
These unpaid and anonymous members work together to care for the deceased in
accordance with Jewish law.
In Boulder, Colorado, my home, the Chevra Kadisha was established in 1996. It currently consists of a
roster of more than 100 volunteers, about a fifth of who are consistently
active. They serve all Jews of any denomination, even those without any
affiliation or professed level of involvement with a particular congregation.
Currently, Chevra Kadisha maintains
close contacts with four of Boulder’s Jewish congregations – Har Hashem
(Reform), Bonai Shalom (Conservative), Nevei Kodesh and Pardes Levavot
(Renewal) – Orthodox practitioners in Boulder currently do not take advantage
of Chevra Kadisha.
Judaism emphasizes the equality to be found in death, the
imperative for interment as soon as conveniently possible, watching over and
preparing the body for burial, and the concept of accompanying and guiding the
soul after its separation from the body. Caring for the dead is referred to as hesed shel emet – an eternal act of
kindness, as it cannot be repaid.
When death occurs, either a rabbi or a funeral director will
contact the Chevra Kadisha, and the
call goes out for volunteers. The body is thought of as nireh v’eyno ro’eh, one
who can be seen but cannot see, a figure of the most extreme vulnerability,
even though the soul is no longer present. For the dying who request it,
members of the Chevra Kadisha
assemble at the place of death or at the funeral home. Embalming is not
normally practiced, and cremation is discouraged. The body is attended at all
times, day and night, until burial. (I suspect some of this impetus comes from
the persecutions and desecrations experienced by the Jewish people at the hands
of their oppressors during the 2,000 years of Diaspora.) The shomrim, or watchers, sit with the body
and recite psalms and traditional prayers for the departed.
Shortly before the funeral, the body is undressed (same-sex
volunteers care for each corpse), and the ritual of tahara begins. The body is carefully and respectfully washed, then
submitted to a dousing of a prescribed nine kavin
(24 quarts) of water, then dried and dressed in plain, white muslin tachrimim (shrouds), which are identical
for all the deceased. The body is placed in a simple, unadorned coffin and is
then transported to the cemetery. There is no viewing, “visitation,” nor open
casket at a Jewish funeral, as it is seen as being disrespectful of the dead.
Evie Cohen, Chevra
Kadisha’s point person, emphasizes that training is simple and experiential.
“The biggest requirement is – good intentions,” she says. Volunteers may choose
their level of involvement. Some may wish only to serve as shomrim, while others may go on to learn the difficult and
emotionally wrenching task of preparing the body. “Every effort is made to
recall the person-ness of the body and to avoid treating merely as an object,”
writes Anita Diamant in her guide Saying
Kaddish. There is even a place in the liturgy after tahara is completed when the body is apologized to for any
inadvertent mishandling.
This outlines the practical steps taken in the wake of a
Jewish death. However, these concrete actions parallel and bolster the
emotional and psychic events taking place in the minds and hearts of the
mourners, and, some say, in the soul of the departed as well.
The soul’s journey
The period between death and burial is known, for the
survivors, as aninut, and during that
time all mourners are referred to as onen.
Maurice Lamm, in his The Jewish Way in
Death and Mourning, describes an onen
as “a person in deep distress, a person yanked out of normal life and
abruptly catapulted into the midst of inexpressible grief.” Before the end of
the funeral, the focus is on kevod ha-met
– honoring the dead. After the funeral, the task turns to nichum avelim – comforting the bereaved.
A prescribed set of mourning periods, gradually decreasing
in intensity, marks the passage of time for the mourner for a year after a
loved one’s death (11 months for a parent – it is thought that the soul needs a
year to purify itself before moving on to olam
ha-ba, the world to come, and no one wants to imply that his or her parent
needs the full year to get his or her soul straight, as it were). From a week
of home isolation and visitation, sitting
shiva, to a month-long state known as shloshim,
through a year of saying the traditional prayer for the dead, Kaddish – these codified practices give
grief and mourning a framework within with to play themselves out.
It’s instructive to note that the Kaddish is a prayer of praise that doesn’t even reference death or
loss. Instead, it is a prayer that affirms God’s wisdom. As Lamm observes:
“Beneath the surface, the Kaddish
declaration expresses a thought basic to an understanding of the Jewish
attitude toward life: the acceptance of seemingly undeserved pain and
unreasonable tragedy in lie as being the jut – even if paradoxical – act of an
all-wise God. . . . It is only by virtue of this acceptance of death as the
just and inexorable terminus of life that life can be lived to its fullest. It
is only through the difficult, but necessary, acknowledgement that only the
Creator of the universe understands the design of His creation, that we avoid
becoming disabled by the dogged questioning of imponderables that can wear out
our very existence.”
Meanwhile, what about the dead person? What does Judaism say
about the afterlife? Well, Simcha Paull Raphael’s exhaustively researched
“Jewish Views of the Afterlife” runs to 452 pages, which should give you some
sense of the spectrum of opinion on the matter. Models of the afterlife stretch
in Jewish thought from simple cessation to an elaborate return of the Messiah,
bodily resurrection for all worthies, and the like.
A recent lecture by Raphael given to Boulder’s Chevra Kadisha is fortunately preserved
for study, and provides valuable insights (see link below). The scholar, to his
credit, is very clear about the lack of consensus regarding the post-mortem
universe, and that a belief or lack of belief does not hinder the
psychologically healing components of Jewish mourning rituals. As a very wise
rabbi once said to me, “Hey, what if none of this is true? It WORKS!”
At what I conceive to be the best possibility, that the living
can ease the passage of the dead, and that the living and the dead share
constructive connections, Chevra Kadisha
work can do much more than simply dispose of a body efficiently. Raphael refers
to his Chevra Kadisha listeners as
“soul guides,” and outlines ideas his research uncovered about the soul after
death – the reassurances and respect given to the body, calming the loosened
soul, the seven days of shiva corresponding
to the soul wandering between its earthly home and its grave, the Kaddish as a therapeutic mindfulness
that reconciles the living and the dead, restoring their relationship and
serving as a kind of tikkun, healing
of the world.
This is not to say that Raphael endorses the idea that Chevra Kadisha is to be thought of as
some kind of personal therapy. Raphael recommends that volunteers “cultivate
receptivity,” “walking the soul on its journey.” This kind of selfless
companionability is the antithesis of self-regarding indulgence. However, I am
sure that such practice could not but help us, as Raphael says, “live our lives
with a quality of integrity and openheartedness.”
In a time when a groundswell of interest in death and dying
has prompted us to realize our distance from it, Chevra Kadisha demonstrates how one culture has maintained a
significant, meaningful, easeful process for dealing with human death.
Boulder’s Chevra
Kadisha welcomes new volunteers. For more information:
Boulder Chevra Kadisha
303-842-5365
Resources:
Judaism 101: Life, Death, and Mourning
Jewish Practice: Death & Mourning
Kavod v’Nichum: Jewish Funerals Burial, and Mourning
Jewish-funerals.org
“Afterlife and the Renewal of Jewish Death Rituals”
Reb Simcha Paull Raphael, lecturer
Recorded at Nevei Kodesh, Boulder
March 9, 2014
Further Reading:
The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning
Maurice Lamm
Jonathan David Publishers
1969
New York
Saying Kaddish: How to Comfort the Dying, Bury the Dead and
Mourn as a Jew
Anita Diamant
Schocken Books
1999
New York
Jewish Views of the Afterlife
Simcha Paull Raphael
Rowman and Littlefield Publishers Inc.
2009
Northvale, NJ
The December Project: an extraordinary Rabbi and a skeptical
seeker confront life’s greatest mystery
Sara Davidson
HarperOne
2014
New York
Despite my
determination to get through all the literature on this subject, I have just
uncovered another 60 or so tomes to be added to the pile. The scholarship
continues, and I run behind it, panting, arms outstretched!